Filmmakers have long been searching for the perfect concoction of manliness for their motion picture.  While the manliest motion picture has yet to be made, we’re thinking an upcoming film may have the perfect recipe.

Randy ‘The Natural’ Couture must be trying to one up Fedor, as Couture has recently signed on to Sylvester Stallone’s newest movie, “The Expendables“ ; which is only in the pre-production stages but is set to film in the Spring of 2009, and to be released in 2010.

Randy Couture: The Next Chuck Norris?

According to MMAFighting.com, Couture will be one of five mercenaries in the film; with the other four being Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, and Jason Statham: and to add the cherry on top, Forrest Whitaker is rumored to be the South American dictator that the fiver mercenaries are trying to overthrow.  So basically, It’s Couture, Rocky, Ivan Drago from Rocky IV, The Villain from Lethal Weapon IV, and the guy from the Transporter series all sharing the same screen in an attempt to overthrow The Last King of Scotland.  Throw in some fine broads and some explosions, and you easily have the manliest film ever created.

Pussy Whipped-(adj.) The situation whereupon a male is undeniably at the mercy of his high-maintenance girlfriend/wife and answers to her every beck and call, usually followed by the reprioritizing of girlfriend/wife over friends, family, school, food, water, and air.

Ray and Honey Smith (Courtesy Debbie Noda of the Modesto Bee)

The great question women always ask: why are guys so damn scared of commitment? As any honest man would confess, the true reason guys hold off on any commitment is because deep down every guy knows that some day they are going to have to give in and succumb to the will of their broad.  Eventually, every guy will become pussy-whipped into submission.  For some guys this happens in a matter of years, for some it can take much longer.  But eventually, every guy becomes a pussy-whipped, feminized version of his past self.

We hope Randy never succumbs to this...

The ultimate example of the pussy-whipped male comes to us from Ceres, California where Ray Smith has reached the rock bottom of male-submission.  For five straight years, Ray has allowed his wife ‘Honey’ to dress him.  Often comprising of Hawaiian print shirts and Crocs, the couple’s outfits have been mirror images of one another for half a decade, longer than any male should have to bare.  Back in the day, Ray Smith was probablly a strapping young lad: the kind of guy who smoked Lucky Strike’s and chased women around town. Now, in the twilight of his life, poor Ray has been reduced to a mannequin for his wife to dress. While we hope no other males have to be put through this sort of torture, we want this to serve as a shining example of what you should not let your life slip into.  Could you imagine if the man-crush of men everywhere, Randy Couture, slipped into such a pussy-whipped state?  Hell would freeze over and the Jonas Brothers wouldn’t be gay before a True Man (Randy Couture) would ever allow such a thing to happen.

Rarely do we get a chance to say this, but the UFC was a step behind.

Or maybe someone else was just a step ahead.  Regardless, the upcoming Jakks Pacific line of UFC action figures is going to be without quite a few of the UFC’s biggest names, and that is all courtesy of a small-Canadian company.  Round 5 MMA has a series of liscenced fighter collectibles that may stand in the way of the upcoming UFC line.  Far before the UFC had penned a deal for a series of action-figures, Round 5 had signed exclusive contracts with quite a few fighters, including UFC’s ex-heavyweight Champ Randy Couture, that gives the company exclusive rights to the fighters likeness.  These contracts are expected to stand in the way of the Jakks Pacific line as they legally bind the fighters to their Round 5 contract. While this may seem as a downer, in actuality the Round 5 contracts are much more fighter friendly as they allowed them to place their own advertisers on their figurines trunks and even chose the pose of their figure. So while the UFC may be poised to cash in with the upcoming Jakk’s line, they are going to have to do that without a few of their biggest names attached.

We’re not saying UFC events are becoming formulaic, but there seems to be a trend forming. The defining lines of weight classes seem to be blurring, or becoming non-existent, as the UFC is seeking to continue this trend of creating ’superfights’.

Let's hope we never see this.

We saw it this weekend, as future UFC hall of famer Randy Couture gave up about 40 lbs to his opponent, the freak-of-nature Brock Lesnar.  We will see this phenomenon at UFC: 94 as Bj Penn, the UFC Lightweight Champ, will jump up a division to fight UFC Welterweight Champion Georges “I’m Not Impressed” St. Pierre. AND if all goes well, You will see UFC Middleweight Champ Anderson Silva bulk up to take on former UFC Light Heavyweight Champ Chuck Liddell at UFC: 95.  (Yes, You heard that right.  A possible match between the Pound for Pound best fighter and the Iceman is in the works).

But with all these so called ’superfights’ blurring the lines of weight classes, should we be worried about MMA slipping into the same vices that held boxing for so long? Not at all.  With the creation of these ’superfights’ the UFC is giving MMA fan-boys and also casual followers incredibly entertaining and intriguing match-ups. Face it, that’s why people follow this sport.  Let’s just hope they don’t get too carried away and start booking fights like Penn vs Lesnar, although we’d all still tune in.

Thirty.

That’s how many unanswered punches Brock Lesnar pounded into the face of Randy Couture, before Ref Mayio Yamasaki stepped in and called the fight.

Go Go Gadget Face Smash!

At the UFC 91 post-fight conference Dana White was, in reference to the Yamasaki’s stoppage (or lack thereof), was quoted as saying:

“The ref [Mario Yamasaki] was going, ‘Eh, is [Couture] OK?’ Mario was trying to give him time [to recover]. There’s a fine line between that and [allowing] too many punches. When I saw Randy go back down, I thought we had crossed that line.”

While some MMA pundits are trying to rouse controversy out of this situation, it’s more of a no harm no foul situation. When asked about it at the conference, Lesnar played it off by saying he was waiting for the stoppage while Couture said it was all good, he just couldn’t dodge Lesnar’s Go-Go Gadget arms.  One good counter-point to this situation, was brought up by out pals at MMAMania who expressed concern that the brutality of the fight ending face smashing could scar the possibility of having more events publicized by ESPN, who covered UFC: 91 in an unprecedented fashion.  As far as major sports coverage is concerned, we’ll just have to wait and see.  But in the meantime, go go gadget away!

If you haven’t read the headlines about this past weekend UFC 91 event featuring Brock Lesnar and Randy “The Natural” Couture then thank you once again from crawling out underneath the rock you live under to grace us with your presence. In our prefight predictions we ended up going 5-1 on the night which isn’t to bad, hey it’s better than the NEW UFC heavyweight champions record (3-1, Yeah Lesnar won if you didn’t know by now). If you wanna catch all the fights you can head over here and watch them courtesy of our friends over at Cage Potato. Anyways, lets get down to the action and see how we did.

Lesnar def. Couture

Brock Lesnar came into this fight as a 275 lbs. freight train with one thing in site, gold. I’ll admit that I’m a Lesnar fan but I still have a place in my heart for Couture. The match started out with them going straight to the clutch. It looks like randy is already having some tough time with the 45 lb difference between them and can’t quite get Lesnar on the ground. You can hear the crowd chanting Randy!, Randy! and even the announcers say it’s almost deafening. Lesnar eventually gets on top of randy and begins to smother him. Lesnar looks winded near the end of the round as Couture tries to take the big guy down but the bell sounds. I give the first round to Lesnar.

Alright, after a quick breather we are back to the action. Not going for the clinch now the fighters exchange a few punches and Lesnar rocks Couture with an elbow that sends him staggering back. In tru brock fashion he attempts to tackle randy but ends up pushing him into the cage. Lesnar gets cut about the eye by one of Randy’s punches but isn’t enough to take the big man down. Lesnar lands a punch off of Couture’s temple which sends him to the mat. Lesnar is now on top of randy delivering his patented Hammer-fist until the ref stops in and calls it.

Two things I want to say about this fight is 1) I think Lesnar has attempted to finish every opponent in the UFC by way of Hammerfist, can this be considered a super move like from is WWE days? 2) Did you happen to catch his post-fight interview in the cage?  Apparently, when your that big and have the UFC Heavyweight belt, you can actually make God bless himself.  If you missed it, have a look.

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Is it just me or does this seem a little strange?

Sorry Todd, but "You Got Served"

A couple weeks ago we learned that Randy Couture and Affliction’s relationship was officially severed, a week later Affliction got the black ball from the entire Couture family. Then, TMZ.com reported that Randy’s wife and fellow MMA-fighter Kim Couture had filed for a restraining order against Affliction Pres. Todd Beard. This report surfaced Beard’s squeaky clean record, which included 5 felonies and some game time both in jail and prison. (talk about resume builders)

Because of these mounting allegations, Beard officially tended his resignation from Affliction.  Beard cited that,

I had a long-standing relationship with the Coutures and I was deeply and emotionally hurt by some of their recent business decisions. I have only the best of intentions for the success of the Affliction and Xtreme Couture clothing brands and understand that there are personal issues I must address.

Let’s hope that Mr. Beard can tackle these inner demons and, for his sake, lead a healthy life. But for now, we just want to say one thing Todd.  We’re sorry, but “You Got Served”.

Gina, will you play with us?

You love to drink.  I love to drink.  We all love to drink.  And with Saturday’s UFC 91 coming up, we all have an excuse to drink.  While we have already weighed in with our predictions for UFC 91 we thought we’d give you all a little guideline on how to pace your drinking while watching the fights.  So, we present to you, the Official UFC 91 Drinking Game!

Before you begin, a few Do’s and Don’ts of the UFC 91 Drinking Game:

Don’t play this game with Hermes Franca (Can you spell, DUI?)

Do play this game with Gina Carano (She’s a touchy-feely drunk)

How to Play the UFC 91 Drinking Game

Chug a Beer- Everytime you see the overplayed “Bring the Pain” Gladiator intro piece

Take Two Sips- For every image they show of Joe ‘Daddy’ Stevenson’s destructed face from his recent Bj Penn match

Take a Drink- For every Ultimate 2008, UFC 93, or UFC 94 promo shown

Take a Shot (of the most red-neck liquor in sight)- For every Jack Link’s Beef Jerky logo on Brock Lesnar’s Fight Gear

Take a Sip- Everytime Mike Goldberg says his trademark, “Here We Go”

Take 3 Sips- Everytime Joe Rogan pulls the microphone away from a fighter in a post-fight interview.

Take a Drink - Everytime you hear the Lesnar vs. Couture fight referenced as the biggest fight in MMA history.

Take a Shot- For every Celebrity in the crowd wearing the new, nerdy fight-link headphones.

Take 2 Sips - Everytime you see Joe Rogan’s tribute beard on screen.

Drown Your Sorrows- If the Lesnar vs. Couture fight lasts all five rounds

I’m sorry but I gotta say this main event is kind of bizarre. But it’s happening! So let’s sit back and enjoy. Other than the oddity of the main event, this card is killer. Florian is chasing another shot at the title, and there’s some other interesting bouts. We won’t get to see whats up with  TUF Champion  Amir Sadollah in his first fight since winning the show. That one got scrapped. I guess he got a leg infection. But there are plenty more good match-ups on this one.

Randy Couture (16-8) vs. Brock Lesnar (2-1)

This is not a great match up for the Heavyweight Champion Randy Couture.  Following his much-publicized 15-month layoff, the UFC pits “The Natural” against his largest foe to date.  Some have said Brock is getting this title shot way too soon; after all he has only two UFC fights under his belt.  Although his performances have left much to be desired, Lesnar has the physical tools to beat the aging champ.  Brock is bigger, stronger, younger, and was a more prolific wrestler than Couture.  You can never count out Randy Couture though, we’ve seen him rise to the occasion time and time again.  This time, however, look for Brock to play it safe, smother Randy, and bore his way to arguably the most undeserving title the UFC has ever awarded. 

RUFF
This is a crazy ass fight. The old man should have enough MMA experience to beat Lesner, BUT DAMN, Brock is big as hell!! And it is not the type of dude Randy will be able to man handle. I’m surprised this one got approved looking at their records, but I think the big boy gets Randy on this one by triple goose down quilted blanket, sopping wet.  
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Dare we say it, but could the UFC 91 Hype-Machine come to a screeching halt?  Stranger things have happened.

As we have learned, in Mixed Martial Arts nothing is ever certain.  And with all of the hype surrounding UFC 91 it almost seems as if Murphy’s Law will kick in and something shitty is bound to happen.  We have our fingers crossed, but we take a look at the possible derailments for the Lesnar-Couture fight at UFC 91.

Let's hope the Hype-Machine doesn't fail us now.

Weight- It would seem quite bizarre for a Heavyweight fighter to not be able to make weight, but Dana White has already filled us in, on Rome is Burning, that Brock Lesnar is currently at 270lbs. and needs to trim off a slim 5 more pounds to get down to the required weight for this fight (Paulo Filho take note).  While we’re fairly confident Brock can shed the few extra pounds, it would be an ultimate boner-killer if he didn’t. (Chance of this happening 5%)

Injury- The injury bug seems to be biting everyone as of late (ever heard of Amir Sadollah?). Let’s hope it stays away from Las Vegas this weekend.  And assuming the fighters do actually make it to the octagon, Let’s hope that neither of them take a page from Patrick Cote and blow any ligaments or muscles during this fight, cause that would just suck. (Chances of this happening 3%) 

Freak Accident- It could happen.  Who knows?  Maybe Randy is practicing his Uma-Plata backstage on Saturday afternoon and catches a glancing elbow across his eyebrow.  Oh wait, he’s not a Shamrock.  In case something like this does happen, Dana White already has Seth Petruzelli on speed dial. (Chances of this happening .0001%)

Maybe we should have bit our tongue, but we hope that UFC 91 can go off without a hitch and that none of the above happen.