Public Service Announcement
-
Bruce, for heaven's sake stop smoking the chronic!
This is a public service announcement. It may sound like a public blog denouncement but please understand that I have no ill feelings towards the chronic, the hippie lettuce, the sweet leaf, the stank… the hairy Mexican skunk balls. I may not have partaken in its consumption (OMG I’m the only one left in America!) but I find it much less problematic than alcohol which has ruined a solid 40% of the parties I have ever attended. Fill a room full of angry dudes and add a keg and I can bet you there will be some busted heads before the night is out. Switch the keg out for some cheeba cheeba and I guarantee you the only thing getting busted will be a nut when the honies show up.
So what am I talking about here? I’m talking about the recent, albeit minor, MCing gaff at UFC’s Fight Night 18 where Bruce Buffer introduced Mario Yamasaki as “our referee, Herb Dean.” Now one could assume this is an honest mistake made by a man who spins his head so fast that his brains got tangled up worse than the limbs of a Damian Maia opponent. However, this reporter knows better. Reliable sources* have informed me that our gravel throated announcer, Bruce Buffer has been hanging out with none other than the hilarious comic and coolass UFC announcer, Joe Rogan. I think it’s no secret that Joe is a big proponent of the gang dang. He often hangs out with grappler Eddie Bravo who has a whole section of his latest submission grappling book dedicated to why the Irish mind bomb is good for you and society at large. Why that appears in a book on grappling is beyond me but that’s another story for another day.
So to make a long story short, I am pleading with you Bruce. Lay off the kimo sabe anywhere near a fight night. We don’t want you to stop midstream, suddenly stare up at the lights and drawl into the microphone, “Duuuuuudeeeeeee!”
This is the end of my public service announcement.
*Some dudes on some forums.
Subscribe via 
Leave a CommentFeatured Video
Sponsors
April 17, 2009 am30 12:30 pm
I can’t believe I just read this. This shit is straight up retarded. How are you even a writer? You know they teach hear-say in, I think, second grade. As a fan of mma and of pot, that’s right, I didn’t learn anything new from this article. Oh yeah, and one reason why Eddie Bravo may have put an article on pot in a grappling magazine, might be because he attributes pot to his creation of the Rubber Gaurd, among other holds. But, you probably knew that already.
April 17, 2009 am30 2:48 pm
When you read the article did you see:
“Reliable sources*”
Then look at the bottom and see:
“*Some dudes on some forums.”
Perhaps that might have given you the first clue that this is satire. Did you not look around the rest of the site and see that there is a fair amount of humor being published here?
Perhaps you should light up a Thai Stick and re-read this.