On this week’s edition of HDNet’s Inside MMA, Andrei ‘The Pitbull’ Arlovski was asked how he was going to defeat his opponent, Fedor Emelianenko, at Affliction’s Day of Reckoning event to which Arlovski replied, “He’s just a human”. Yeah, right.

Now, we’re not trying to bust Arlovski’s chops. The man is a ex-UFC champion and he formerly dated this fine specimen, so he has to be doing something right. But, as we all know, the only reason we keep a record of written history is so we don’t repeat our mistakes; and this entire situation seems like it’s been done before….

"I will crush you!"

In a Rocky movie.

Now, call us crazy, but Fedor Emelianenko and Captain Ivan Drago are just eerily similar. For starters, both men, ahem, both robots hail from Russia. Secondly, both fighters were incredibly dominant in their respect combat sport; Ivan Drago killed Apollo Creed, Fedor Emelianenko submitted Hong Man Choi. Lastly, both men are bonafide sex symbols for their generation.

Alright, maybe not the third one, but the other similarities are just scary. So, when we all find out that Fedor is actually a cyborg, don’t say that you hadn’t been warned.

    

This might be a good time to try the ole' Popcorn trick.

Recently there has been a growing trend of Mixed Martial Arts based films.  Couple with this trend, we have also witnessed many popular Mixed Martial Artists making the jump to the silver screen (most recently; Randy Couture and Fedor Emelianenko).  In hopes of seeing this trend continue, the Dojo took a page out of TheMMAPost’s book and has decided to give you a Top Ten list of some of the types of MMA films we’d like to see in the near future.   

# 10) Land Before Time 

Ken Shamrock, Don Frye, Royce Gracie, and Art Jimmerson star in this animated classic.  The film follows the three pioneers in their journey through the prehistoric time periods of Mixed Martial Arts.  Battling Triceratops and John McCain, the men band together to establish Mixed Martial Arts as an enjoyable past time for future generations.

# 9) Half Baked 3

Joe Rogan, Eddie Bravo, and ‘real Movie Star’ Seth Rogan star in this stoner classic.  This movie doesn’t have a plot, because it doesn’t need one.  The movie follows the three men through an hour and a half of penis jokes and magical weed smoking.  Keep an eye out for the Jay and Silent Bob cameo at the 37th minute mark.

#8 ) Mission Impossible 

Fedor Emelianenko and Anderson Silva star in this fast-paced, action flick.  The plot centers around challengers vying to defeat Emelianenko and Silva, although no one is successful.  Emelianenko’s and Silva’s performances against their opponents prove that defeating them is an impossible feat.

# 7) Harry Potter: The Quidditch World Cup

This film could be the first in the Harry Potter series that is not based solely on one of the books.  The entire cast of the previous films return, along with Lyoto Machida who is cast as the Golden Snitch, because of his famed elusiveness.

# 6) There Will Be Blood

Alright, so this one breaks the mold.  While this movie wouldn’t be an entirely new film, per se.  This would simply be a repackaging of the famed bout between Bj ‘The Prodigy’ Penn and Joe ‘Daddy’ Stevenson from UFC 80.  Because this fight had enough blood in it to rival a Saw film.

Numbers 5 through 1: After the Jump.

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Filmmakers have long been searching for the perfect concoction of manliness for their motion picture.  While the manliest motion picture has yet to be made, we’re thinking an upcoming film may have the perfect recipe.

Randy ‘The Natural’ Couture must be trying to one up Fedor, as Couture has recently signed on to Sylvester Stallone’s newest movie, “The Expendables“ ; which is only in the pre-production stages but is set to film in the Spring of 2009, and to be released in 2010.

Randy Couture: The Next Chuck Norris?

According to MMAFighting.com, Couture will be one of five mercenaries in the film; with the other four being Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, and Jason Statham: and to add the cherry on top, Forrest Whitaker is rumored to be the South American dictator that the fiver mercenaries are trying to overthrow.  So basically, It’s Couture, Rocky, Ivan Drago from Rocky IV, The Villain from Lethal Weapon IV, and the guy from the Transporter series all sharing the same screen in an attempt to overthrow The Last King of Scotland.  Throw in some fine broads and some explosions, and you easily have the manliest film ever created.

When you are regarded as, arguably, the best Mixed Martial Artist in the world and also as one of the top pound for pound fighters in the world, you don’t have to look far to realize that you are a BAMF.

I guess no one told Fedor Emelianenko that.  You would think that when you can pound Tim Sylvia into the mat in just 37 seconds that you would have faith in your hands as weapons of mass destruction and you wouldn’t need to resort to guns and bazookas, not Fedor.  We’re only kidding, but Fedor has been working on a new Russian action film (talk about a flourishing film genre), which rougly translates to ‘Fifth Execution’.  If you can read hierogylphics, or Russian, check out Fedor’s site where he blogs about the movie’s plot.  The Dojo hopes that Fedor can find some success in this new career venture, which we expect he should considering he’s probablly learning from the greatest action hero ever, his close friend Jean Claude Van Damme.

Quantum of Solace in theaters now!

In honor of Quantum of Solace opening this past weekend nationwide we here at the Dojo wanted to take the time to share with you some of our favorite bond gadgets. We know some of you won’t agree with our picks but oh well, we write the articles not you, but please feel free to tell us some of your favorite gadgets in the comments section below!

For the Record: Daniel Craig is by far the best bond to date

Rocket-Firing Cigarette from You Only Live Twice

After capturing James (like in every other Bond movie), instead of simply putting a bullet to Bond’s skull or throwing him in the tank with sharks (laser beams optional) he allows Bond to smoke one last cig. Unfortunatley for the villan and his crew this cigarette is able to fire a rocket-propelled bullet.

Camera Gun from License to Kill

I think the Timothy Dalton bond was the most gadget savvy Bond of them all. With gadgets such as exploding tubes to toothpaste, a cumberbund that turns into a rappelling rope, and a camera that turns into a sniper rifle his gadgets were some of the coolest and simplest ones around.

Lotus Esprit Submarine Car, The Spy Who Loved Me

Lotus Esprit Submarine Car from The Spy who Loved Me

There is only one car I can think that rivals with the Submarine car from this bond flick, the DeLorean from Back to the Future II (The one where they go in the future). The only reason the Esprit wins in this case is because of the scene where bond drives underwater only to take out the henchmen helicopter from underwater with the surface-to-air missles, oh and the spacious interior.

Jetpack, Thunderball

Jetpack from Thunderball

According to Bond lore we should have flying cars and jetpack by now, but alas technology can’t keep up with our demands and we are left wanting. Besides the fact that you’d prolly set yourself on fire with a jetpack I don’t really see why we at least don’t have those around yet. Why can Sean Connery use one though? It’s simple Sean Connery sets the jetpack on fire, not the other way around.

What a waste of milk.

With the cost of milk these days, I’m shocked she wasted half a gallon trying to be seductive. I thought water was the drink of choice to pour on yourself.

She’s got a deep throat. (i-am-bored)

Reporter ruins world record attempt. (funnyordie)

9 Insults. (cracked)

Lucy Pinder is hot. (holytaco)

Wedding: Friends with Benefits. (collegehumor)